so explain again why im purple
no
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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