you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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