I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?