We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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