Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine