I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
