I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
