you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
