I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
