That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
