First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
