I hate all girls vehemently.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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