similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
