You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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