In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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