Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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