It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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