my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
