There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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