Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
