her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
