Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the day after is always just damage control
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
