I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
