I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
