we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize