1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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