Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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