btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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