now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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