You're my little dorito
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
