somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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