Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
