I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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