i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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