It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
