Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
