so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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