Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
