I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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