Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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