Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
