saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
