I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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