She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I forget how to act sober
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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