you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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