I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
