I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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