Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
