Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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