and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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