the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
