Your mouth is God's brothel.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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