Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
