I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
