A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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