I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
