i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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