i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
