DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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