Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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