i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
