The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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