just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
