sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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