I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
