Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
