now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
