I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
