would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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