ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And then he peed in my hair
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