East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
