Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
