one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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