HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
