Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
