That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
